Happy Mother’s Day!! This is my 4th mother’s day as a new mom and, I have to say, it just keeps on getting better each year. Every year I feel like I am growing. Growing as a wife, a mother, a friend. Every year I am learning new things, experiencing new things and figuring it all out. I’m learning how to juggle family and work life. I’m learning how to handle two kids. I’m learning how to find balance in my life and keep myself from caving in. This past year has been a little rough with a new baby– not easy! She requires a lot more attention than my first. I recently started using my Moby wrap while I cleaned the house. Not too bad. She starts to squirm out of it after 20 minutes so I have to work fast.
But I love being a mother. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love watching my kids grow and learn new things. A is starting to balance on her own. She’ll be walking before we know it. O just finished her first year in preschool. You should watch her recite the pledge of allegiance. TOO CUTE!
So I raise a glass (yes! a wine glass!!) to all those mothers out there. The ones staying up at all hours of the night to comfort a sick child. To the ones who will stop at nothing to provide for their families. To the ones who work multiple jobs to make ends meet. The ones who will do anything to make sure their kids are happy, healthy and safe. To all those men and women who have assumed the role of mother to care for a child that is not their own. And to the ones who love unconditionally so that their kids know love. I salute you.
Here I am, on the eve of my little girl’s 4th birthday and a rush of emotions has taken over me. She’s fast asleep and I’m scrambling to get her backpack in order for preschool tomorrow. Of course, I forget to wash her bedding so I’m up waiting on the washer so I can put them to dry. I also have to find some way to haul 15 birthday cupcakes to her class tomorrow.
I’m so excited for her– her special day! She doesn’t know what awaits. Singing at school, a special video call from grandma and grandpa and, after school, pedis!! She is going to freak. She has always been infatuated with my makeup and, as she calls them, my color nails. She’s never had her fingernails or toenails painted. I was so against it! Somehow I felt that if I exposed her to makeup and nail polish, she would want to grow up too fast. I just didn’t want that for her. I wanted her to care less about beauty products and care more about having fun and being a kid. Running around, learning new things, going outside and getting sweaty.
I’ve thought long and hard –when is the right time? And you know, I don’t have that answer. But I also know that the more you refuse, the more they push back. It can’t be no, no, no all the time. So instead I decided to use this time to treat her (just the toes, no fingernails). And with all the attention her little sister requires, this will be a nice time with just us two.
Oh the joys of parenting. Sleep deprivation, selflessness, cluttered home, the death of quiet time, endless need for caffeine (see 1st example) — it can be overwhelming. So at what time did I decide to have another? Funny how mother nature tricks you into thinking that its “not that bad” and then the second one comes along and you remember, “Why did I have another? What was I thinking?”
That’s right, it was because you wanted to grow your family. Although I keep telling myself that two is the right number for my family, I can’t help but to think about a third. I know it wouldn’t be easy for our family situation. Thankfully I have my mother-in-law living with us so she is an at home daycare provider for us. But if she was to move out, I couldn’t imagine how I would be able to afford daycare for two, much less three! It’s bittersweet when I think about my current situation. I love my girls, but am I done? It sounds so permanent when I think that THIS is it. It makes it feel like it’s the end of one part of my life. Like when you graduate high school or college, or when you move out on your own. Well for the past 4 years, I’ve been growing my family and to think that we are done with that it makes me kind of sad. I’ve had such a hard time getting rid of my maternity clothes– you know, just in case.
So when do you decided that you are done? I’m not sure, but I know that I can’t dwell on this thought for too long because I have two amazing little girls that need me to show them how to be strong, independent little ladies. I have two amazing little girls who need to be taught how to ride bikes, play sports, dance, cook and be kind, compassionate human beings.